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Fuck it, I'm throwing peel.

Is that a triple? I'm not sure it's makeable. You know what? Fuck it. I'm throwing peel.

Yeah, I see the draw through the port for one. But fuck that. draws are for faggots. I'm fucking Dwayne Jacobsen. I can get that rock in there. And, even if I can't, I bet I'll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the rock hard and sliding clear through the house. It makes my dick hard.

What's that? I should throw hack weight? Fuck that. That's gay. Bumper? Gay. Tap-back? Gay. Freeze? Kevin Spacey gay. This is fucking curling. You can't just expect wins to come to you. You can't massage that shit. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving shit out of it. You think settling for one with the hammer is gonna win you the game? You're a pussy. This ain't Jay Packard calling the game. Dwayne's got the weight. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.

Okay, I'm throwing it. Nice. Look how hard I hit that rock. I look good. I bet I made that mixed curler wet her panties with that throw. She fucking wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.

Oh shit. Looks like I clipped the guard. Again. Oh well. It still felt fucking great to throw that shit. Tell me that wasn't one of the prettiest deliveries you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it hard the next time we hit the ice. I'm gonna throw it even harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting behind the glass? I'm gonna nail him right between the fucking eyes with a Dwayne heater. Why? Because I can.

This is Dwayne Jacobsen we're talking about here. We're talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I'm not just a gunslinger. I'm a cumslinger. Throwing that rock hard tells all the Kilties that I am fucking out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I'll tease them with a pretty tap-and-roll every now and again. But then I'm gonna go right back to chucking that rock for all it's worth. It tells them I curl like I fuck. That's how we do things in the sexy business.

Tell me you're not turned on right now. I am.

Adapted for curling from this article.

"You put your finger on me!"

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I got news for you, Peer Seeding.